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Morning Mindset with Paul G. Markel


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Jul 9, 2018

Save yourself the disappointment of expecting others to change because you think they should. Unfortunately, human being just don’t work that way. If someone wants to change, it’s really up to them making that choice.

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Episode Transcription

[INTRO]

♫ Trenches by Pop Evil ♫

*Alex*

Welcome to Morning Mindset. A daily dose of practical wit and wisdom with a professional educator & trainer, Amazon best selling author, United States Marine, Television and Radio host, Paul G. Markel. Each episode will focus on positive and productive ways to strengthen your mindset, and help you improve your relationships, career goals, and overall well-being. Please welcome your host; Paul G. Markel.


*Professor Paul*

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Morning Mindset. I am your host Paul Markel, and thank you for taking the time out of your day to join me, just for this quick amount of time. This quick, short, brief period of time where you're going to listen to this, and then you're going to begin your day. Whether you're drinking coffee or you're getting the kids ready for school or what you're doing, so thanks for joining me.

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Recently, I was on the phone with a good friend of mine, and we were talking about all kinds of things. One of the things that he brought up, was how he had recently traveled back to his hometown for a reunion, you know, a lot of people go to reunions and they expect changes, or they expect things to be different.

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Because your life is different, and you imagine that everyone-, I don't know, yourself or everyone else is going to improve. We put these weird expectations on our reunions, right? Often we go to see people what we've lost touch with, that we would still like to contact, but you know life gets in the way. Families and jobs and careers and what have you and we just lose touch with people.

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But I was talking to my friend and he said that he was rather disappointed, because someone that he well, that he ran into, that he saw that they had been kind of a negative person. They've been kind of a self-involved person years ago, but that was when they were younger and he expected that they were going to change with time. That they would no longer be that way, and he was disappointed and he you know, he told me he's like, “Well, you know, I really thought after all this time that this person in question”, it doesn't matter who they are, “But that they would have changed. Right? That they would not be negative and self-involved, and you know, and so forth and they hadn't.”

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So, you know we got to talking and that's how I came, up with the idea for today's episode. People Don't Change Because You Want Them To. I know that seems really obvious on the face of it, but how often do we build up expectations in our minds, that given enough time and enough distance or space or whatever that a person, who you believe is not behaving appropriately or correctly or, like I said is either a negative person or a very selfish person or self-involved person or whatever, that they will change?

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Because you know in your heart, you think you know this person needs to change, they should change. They should do this or that or the other thing, and then when you realize that they haven't you've built up this expectation in your mind that they would. But they haven't changed and then you get frustrated or you feel disappointed.

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Or you feel let down or what have you, and I would warn you save yourself the disappointment of expecting others to change, because you think that they should. Human beings are peculiar animals, and one of the heart- I mean ask somebody who's a fitness coach, or a dietitian or whatever, about people changing people.

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I don't know when it is, whether it's between age 12 & 18 or between age 15 & 25, or maybe it's even earlier. Maybe it's 10 or 11 or what-have-you, people develop habits. Both psychological habits, how they view the world how they interact with other people. They view habits, or I'm sorry, they develop habits on how they eat, whether or not they exercise, whether or not they engage in reckless or dangerous behavior, whether it's narcotics or alcohol or what have you and they get really comfortable and set in their ways.

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Most humans after a certain amount of time, are essentially on autopilot. Yes, they get up every day and they go to their you know job or they do whatever it is they do. They have a, maybe they have a family, maybe they don't but rarely do they actually make real hard serious changes. Most people don't most people once they you know, get out of school and get out on their own.

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They have their set patterns and behavior. Like I said, uh, their dietary behaviors and their physical activity behaviors, and the way they look at the world, and the way they view things and just because you're over there on the outside thinking “Hey man, it would you know, you really need to, you know, clean up your act you need to do this you need to do that.”

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They're not going to do it just because you think they should whether or not you know, you're correct whether or not they need to make that change, they're not going to do it for you and like my friend and my friend was expressing on the phone with me, frustration over this fact that he really had hoped that this person had gotten their their stuff together over the years. Because they had, you know, lost such they hadn't seen him for a while and they well, you know certainly by this time, things have changed, but they hadn't changed.

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I want you to save yourself the disappointment of expecting others to change just because you think that they should. Now that does not mean that they're irredeemable, that they cannot be redeemed. But the fact that matter is, it's like the alcoholic or the drug abuser or whatever they have to make a decision to change themselves.

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They're not going to do it for you and you can't force them to do it. Husbands, wives, wives, husbands. Wives, you cannot force your husband's to change, you know, you can do what it is, whatever it is you want to do, but if you think “Well, I don't like this about my potential spouse. But after we get married, it will change”, no it won't.

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You either need to learn to deal with that person and accept their behaviors and how they view the world or you need to look somewhere else. Women are very, very culpable when it comes to this. Yeah, they understand, they see the shortcomings. They realize the faults of their potential mates or husband, but they believe that because they want that person to change.

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That they will change, they're going to change, and I know you know, men are a similar to a similar vein, but women be honest. How many times, you know, “Well, yeah, I know he acts this way now. I know he behaves this way now, but things will be different after we’re married. Things will be different in a few years. He will change.

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Will he change, will he change for you? Probably not, probably not. What can you do? Well, you can, all you can set the example, and I know it seems silly or almost immature, or juvenile, I guess you say. Well, I'm going to set a good example in this person will follow me. Maybe they will, maybe they won't.

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Oftentimes people are watching your behavior and considering how it is you interact with others and you behave and your patterns of behavior and they won't tell you they're never going to say, “Hey man. I've been watching you, I've been watching your behavior, and I want to emulate that” or “I want to be more like you or I want to you know, get myself” right?

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But the best you can do is to lead by example, and to be there for someone if they want to change, let's say someone comes to you in there like “Hey, I realize I'm screwing up. I realize I'm abusing narcotics or alcohol, or a negative person or I can never get my crap together. Will you help me?” If that's the case, help them out. But they're not going to change, just because you want them to. So save yourself the frustration and the disappointment of thinking that people are going to change just because you think that they should.

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Ladies and gentlemen, I wrote a book. It's called Morning Mindset; A 30 Day Plan for a More Positive and Productive Life. I have I have the proof copy right here in my hand. Can you hear that? There you go. I was folding the pages. The this book is available right now on Amazon go to Amazon type in the word Paul Markel.

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That's me, Paul Markel, Morning Mindset and you will find it. The Morning Mindset book is a 30 day plan. It is a think of it as a daily devotional and study guide combined into one. If you can give me 30 days 30 days of dedication. I can help you lead a more positive and productive life. Alright folks, that's it for today. I'm your host Paul Markel, and I'll talk to you again real soon.


[OUTRO]

♫ Trenches by Pop Evil ♫

*Alex*

Thank you for spending time with us today. To get show notes, submit a topic request, for more from your host Paul G. Markel, visit MorningMindsetPodcast.com. That’s MorningMindsetPodcast.com. Please leave a review of this podcast on your favorite podcast player, we appreciate your time & effort, and we look forward to reading your honest feedback.