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Morning Mindset with Paul G. Markel


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Jul 31, 2018

Making and keeping friends that last a lifetime. Just because you grew up with people doesn’t mean they are lifelong friends.

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Episode Transcription

[INTRO]

♫ Trenches by Pop Evil ♫

*Alex*

Welcome to Morning Mindset. A daily dose of practical wit and wisdom with a professional educator & trainer, Amazon best selling author, United States Marine, Television and Radio host, Paul G. Markel. Each episode will focus on positive and productive ways to strengthen your mindset, and help you improve your relationships, career goals, and overall well-being. Please welcome your host; Paul G. Markel.


*Professor Paul*

Hello and welcome back to Morning Mindset. Thank you once again for being a part of the Morning Mindset audience, and for sharing this with your friends and family members and co-workers and children and everybody else who needs to hear a positive message in the morning, or an afternoon or in the evening.

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Remember, this is on-demand and you can listen to it any time that you feel like it, yes indeed. This last weekend, I had an old friend come to visit. Now not an old old friend not like from high school, but somebody that I've known for about 10 years or so, maybe a little longer, and he came into town this weekend.

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We spent some time together and it got me thinking about friends. Now this, particular individual I've known and like I said for about 10 years or so, and we see each other once a year, maybe once every two years. Just depending on how our schedules are, but we're able to pick up right where we left off just like we saw each other yesterday, just like we talked to each other yesterday.

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A few months ago, I actually had a phone call with a friend of mine, somebody that I went to high school with, and that's been a while. Yes, it has and we spent about an hour on the phone talking, and it was you know, it was very easy and comfortable and even though we hadn't seen each other for probably, legitimately 10 years or more and that kind of friend, is the friend that you want in your life or at least I think it's the friend that you should foster.

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Now just because you grew up with someone, or just because you went to school with someone, doesn't necessarily mean that they're a lifelong friend. I've gone to a couple of high school reunions, went to high school reunions, and there were people that I went to school with that I grew up.

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But I knew when I was young and you see them, and you do the quick catch-up, right? You do the “What's going on in your life?” Now, you talk about your marriage, you talk about your children, your talk about your job, what you're doing with your career, what they're doing with their career, whether they're married or divorced, whether their kids are grown or you know, at home what have you, and then after about 10 minutes or so, you're done.

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You're out of common ground, you're out of things to talk about, because just you know-, and the reason is just because you know, grew up with someone or went to school with someone, doesn't mean they're going to be a lifelong friend. But I am very fortunate in my life, to have a number of friends, that even it doesn't matter that we haven't talked in months.

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If we haven't talked evening years, when we get together, we can pick up just like where we left off like we saw each other yesterday. How do you develop those relationships? That's a good question, because I know a lot of folks in my audience are younger people, and I'm sorry for you folks that are coming up in this current age, that are growing in this current age. Because this current age, filled with on-demand everything, on demand television, demand food, on demand shopping. 24-hour shopping, 24-hour food.

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24-hour everything instant gratification that you want, and when you have that, how do you learn to develop lifelong friendships? I don't know, but one way is to be a good listener, and to not make everything about you. Now, I've seen this not just in young people. but in people my age. and maybe in their 30’s and 40’s. Where people behave and you can see by the way, they treat others that everything in their life is it's all about them.

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For instance, I'll give you a great example. When people show up late constantly. You have a, you know a schedule time that everyone is supposed to be together, whether it's for a meal or for whatever, a gathering and you have a person who constantly shows up late. What are they constantly showing up late?

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Well, they're showing up late, though everyone else is there. You know, most everyone else is there, but they're late why? Because only their life is important, only what they are doing is important. What everyone else is doing? Not that important, and you say “Well that's kind of judgmental.” No, it's realistic.

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It's realistic, if you want friends and we've talked about my relief valves before, you know, a lot of these friends that are my lifelong friends are also my relief valves. You know, I could call them on the phone and say “Hey, I feel like jumping off the roof today. Can you can you convince me not to but it also goes both ways.

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When we did the the relief valve discussion, you need to be the person that also picks up the phone when somebody else feels like they're on the roof and they want to jump off and they want you to tell them. “Hey, give me a reason not to”, and the truth of the matter is most of the time, you don't have to give them a reason. Most of the time, when people you know are calling you as a relief valve, they don't expect you to tick off three valid reasons, you know bullet points.

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“Here's the three bullet points, why you what you shouldn't jump off the roof or why you shouldn't give up on humanity.” Actually what they want what they need is for you to just be quiet, and listen and maybe you know chime in every once in a while, they need your ear. They need to know that, they can talk to you and vice versa.

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You need to know that you can talk to them, it's not that difficult. But yet, it is because in order to be a good listener, you have to be not selfish. You have to be not self-involved. One of the things that I learned from a mentor of mine, and when he meets people for the first time, this is kind of a cool little thing. He'll meet someone for the first time, and he won't ask them how they're doing or how their day is or you know, what have you. He'll say-, if he's in a- like this particular thing is like in trade shows or whatever.

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The person that I'm talkin about is semi-famous in the industry and when he meets someone new he'll say “Where's Home?”, you know, where's your home? What that does it gives the other person the opportunity to tell him not only were their home is, but to tell them something personal and he listens and that makes a direct immediate connection with them.

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That's just a little thing, but it's a little thing that can go a long way, and people will remember that. So if you want friends that last, if you want those lifelong friends, people that you could call, you haven't talked to him in years and they call you up and you pick up boom right where you left off. Part of the way to do that is to be a good listener and to not always be worried about yourself.

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But genuinely listen to other people have to say, and make it not just about you, but about them as well. I hope for you, my hope for you is that you indeed do have friends that will last you a lifetime, and you don't need a thousand, you don't need a hundred. I don't have a hundred friends that are lifelong friends.

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I probably have a dozen, maybe 20 and that's fine. Some people spent all their time trying to make everyone like them, and make everyone their friend. Don't spend all your time trying to please everyone. You know do what you can, build those relationships, and those relationships are the ones that are going to last.

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Alright, ladies and gentlemen, that's it for today's Morning Mindset. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you are enjoying the Morning Mindset book, Morning Mindset: a 30 Day Plan for a More Positive and Productive Life, and if you do not have that book yet. I don't know what you're waiting for because you can go to Amazon right now and get a paper copy and if you really, really, really can't wait you can go to Kindle.

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Get a digital version and put it on your phone immediately. The book is called Morning Mindset book, Morning Mindset: a 30 Day Plan for a More Positive and Productive Life by Paul Markel, that's me, and I will talk to you again, real soon.


[OUTRO]

♫ Trenches by Pop Evil ♫

*Alex*

Thank you for spending time with us today. To get show notes, submit a topic request, for more from your host Paul G. Markel, visit MorningMindsetPodcast.com. That’s MorningMindsetPodcast.com. Please leave a review of this podcast on your favorite podcast player, we appreciate your time & effort, and we look forward to reading your honest feedback.